Journaling about Writing

 So I have started writing 20 minutes a day, everyday. I wake up in the morning, make myself a cup of tea and then sit down and write. It's not that I think I have anything necessarily that other people need to hear. My biggest dream is that I give some people some laughs. And when I'm writing or drawing or sculpting it gives the part of me that questions the point of my existence, a break. 

Anyways, so I started writing 20 minutes every day and holding myself to that. I am not good with discipline. I love to show myself that I am not the boss of myself, and since I've started doing this I've been having anxiety dreams. I can't really remember the content of most of them but the one I do remember is pretty clear. 

I'm at a park and this fat squirrel/badger (it has no tail) runs at me and tries to bite me. I try to get it to go away but it keeps coming at me so I try to leave the park but it runs after me and when we go by some people they say “oh it's cute”. Then they go up to it and try to pet it and it bites them. Then someone thinks or says “maybe you two will become friends?” and I consider the possibility but tell them I'm on my way to buy a shotgun so I can "blow it’s fucking head off" and in the interim, my plan is to cross a lot of streets so it will hopefully get hit by a car.

In the dream, I don’t like the idea of blowing its head off mostly because I'd feel guilty and I wonder if, had I had the right skills, maybe I could have made it my friend. But currently it doesn't look good and I need to be prepared to protect myself.

I'm always very thankful that my unconscious / subconscious is super clear with me. I doubt my ability to decipher hidden messages or catch subtle meaning so the more clear the better.

Luckily, If I sum the dream up simply, the message is nice and clear. Something threatening and that I can’t control, is going to continue to chase me, relentlessly, and though there might be the off chance that I could befriend it, I’m preparing to blow it’s fucking head off.